Howzit in Hell-A

I have been on my feet ALL FREAKING DAY. Cooking. Cooking all day for Christmas. Oh fun and joy.

The time here with my folks has been up and down and up and down and bouncing like a trampoline. It's amazing how quickly a perfectly benign conversation can turn into antagonism and tension.

Example #1:

Talking to my dad this morning about my forays into holistic nutrition and the like. This is a topic over which we usually connect quite well, owing to his business history. But he's in the vitamin field, and I'm encouraging people to get their nutrition out of food. Somehow, some-bloody-how, he starts pressing me and asking "Well, people don't really want to change their diet and lifestyle and they want a quick fix like a vitamin, so how do you reach them?" And I say that those people won't be the ones coming to me for help. He keeps pressing and saying "Well, but you can only reach so many people, so what do you do then?" And I tell him that there are over 1,100 people in my school this year alone. If we each talk to only one person, that's another 1,100 people who are thinking about nutrition in a new way. He comes back with "But that's only a small percentage of the population. People don't want to change their lifestyles." Blah blah. He kept going on. Anyway. So what was the deal there? And he didn't understand why I might get angry with what he was saying. Gee, dad. You basically spent ten minutes arguing to me that what I'm doing isn't worthwhile because I can't possibly change the world. I HAD ALREADY SAID EARLIER that I AGREED that in certain cases, vitamins were totally necessary and that most people DIDN'T get everything they needed out of food alone. I had also said that the people who aren't willing to make any diet and lifestyle changes probably aren't going to be the ones starting on a serious vitamin regimen either. But he kept coming at me asking how do I expect to reach the people that don't want to change? I'm not going to reach enough people through counseling, Thanks, dad. Thanks for that amazing support.

Example #2:

Talking to my mom this afternoon. We were actually having kind of a great conversation. I was able to share things with her that were going on in my life. I was opening up about some stuff that I had been holding back on and I was even considering broaching some really deep subjects. Until she turned the conversation to rehashing an argument we had several weeks earlier. She started telling me how self-centered and self-involved I am. How she doesn't understand it and doesn't like it. How she sees that my friendships change over the years and I don't seem to keep friends very long (Never mind that one of my friends has been since KINDERGARTEN, another is from ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, and others are several years long. Never mind THAT of course.). She said that I obviously don't value my relationships and don't treasure or hold dear my friendships. She loves her friends and wants to keep them around. She also said that the older people get, the more they get set in their ways and the more naturally self-centered they become and do I ever worry that I'm never going to be able to have a long term relationship because I will be so self-involved that I won't be able to let anyone into my life. Holy shit. I mean, COME ON. At that point, I said that I am no longer going to sit there while she calls me cold and hard and self-centered. She left to go take a shower and when she came back, it was like NOTHING HAD EVER HAPPENED.

Seriously. Seriously. Again. Seriously.

So I'm an iceberg, huh? A lonely island iceberg. Nice.

Wish me a merry miracle Christmas, please. I've managed to avoid fights and arguments and engaging and getting sucked in. I'm doing a damn good job, I think. I've even had some fun moments. But I ate some dark chocolate twice today, nibbled too much on my own cooking, and tomorrow I have to deal with 9 more family members. WISH ME FUCKING LUCK!!!!!