The Sweet Snark of Michael Musto

Sent the following email to Michael Musto:

Many years ago, when I first moved to New York, I had never heard of the Village Voice or Michael Musto, and I had no knowledge of the concept of "blind items". I sent you an email begging you to reveal the super-secret-secretude behind some random item I had read in your column.

And you wrote me back.

You didn't reveal anything, of course, but you wrote me back! I didn't think much of it at the time, but later on, as I discovered how huge you are on the gossip circuit and New York scene, it always struck me as kind of marvelous that you took the time to respond to a random weirdo asking for more juice.

So I just wanted to say thanks. In an age where assholic pink-haired insult comics are making huge chunks of change exploiting "celebutards", you seem to be an actual down-to-earth normal(ish) human being. That's pretty cool.

And then in just a few hours, I got this:

Trish:

I will prove once again that I am normal(ish) by responding to you again. Thank you for your kind words. I am always delighted to answer nice comments from people who actually read my stuff or are aware of me in any form!

Thanks for staying in touch after all these years.

Best
Michael Musto

I know I'm kinda odd, but I just thought that was neat.

Gingerbread House 2006!!!

Awwwwwweeeeee Yeeeeeeaaaaahhhh!

It's Gingerbread House time again.

If you'll remember...Lisa and I have a long-standing tradition of Gingerbread House-ery. It doesn't usually happen prior to Christmas, but as long as we tackle it before the New Year, it counts. Last year's effort was a "House of Debauchery". (Previous efforts included "Alien Crash-Landing" and "Santa in a Mack Truck"). This year was less subversive and more...pastel. Please remember, however, that the purpose of building the gingerbread creations is not great artwork...it's all about the sugar high.

Without further ado, I give you...

The Gingerbread Carousel of Wonder!!!

Here we have Lisa kneading the dough for the gingerbread. Yes, this is the first year we've made our own and didn't just trim some pre-made panels from a kit. It was surprisingly easy. Actually, I think it was easier, as we were able to make exactly the shapes we needed. Please note how she divided and shaped the dough as an exact replica of her ta-tas.
Her large, brown, crumbly ta-tas.

Again with the Lisa and the sexy things. Seriously, girl...control yourself! Sheesh...

Finally she gets down to work!

We've barely begun and we're already taking horrible self-portraits under the influence of Devil Sugar.

Top view of the Carousel in mid-construction. Those tiny pastel colored non-pariels were soooo good. They were white chocolate and minty with just a little bit of crunch from the little white sprinkly thingies. Candy? What candy?

Rock on. Last year it was me with gummy coke bottles up my nose. I'm so proud of Lisa for carrying on this year with dual nostril candy cane poles plus the lipped arch. Nice.

And here's the pretty pretty carousel. The final product had candy cane poles with circus animal...well, animals...aaaand candy cane fence with a sugar wafer walkway and a big Santa at the carousel controls and a gummy sugar santa sitting on a bench watching and a mommy gingerbread lady looking on and a gummy sugar tree and another bench aaaaaaand...that was a kick-ass run-on.

Imagine you are a teeny tiny gingerbread kid walking up to board the ride. Fun, right?

Overhead shot.

Closeup near Santa at the controls.

Yes, Rocky Horror was playing while we constructed. That was only after we watched Disney's Sword in the Stone. Hockety-pockety.

Gratuitous anatomically correct gingerbread people in the rack shot! Yippee!

Gratuitous sugar gummy Chimney Santa in Lisa's rack shot! Sweet!

So goes another year of yummy architectural goodies. Tummy aches can be worth it sometimes.

These Pics are a Couple Weeks Old But...

I thought I'd share. Been meaning to for awhile but have been bizzeee. Which is good. Next post will talk all 'bout that. Maybe. :)

We went a-partyin'. Yay!

Rani and I dance like freaks. We do. It's okay.

But at least we love each other...

Oh yes we do!

Like you needed more proof?

Sexy girlies! Me, Rani, and Rachel

That's more like it!

I swear to god I'm going to have T-shirts made that say "Mutual Admiration Society". It's ridonkulous.

So silly!

Kay, this is not as dirty as it looks. Oh, wait. Yes it is.

Yes, we are all laying on a bed. At "Bed". It's a New York thing. (More like a B&T thing, to tell the truth.)

Okay, this is as bad as it looks, too. Hee...

'Twas fun...

Creeptastic

This thing starts out cute (ish) at first and then progresses into full-out creepy. Had to share.

Memorial Day Funny

More Funny Things

I like Pearls Before Swine. What? Comics are good. Tasty, delicious and lo-cal.

Ain't Been Here In A While

Some of you (all two of you) may have noticed I haven't posted in, well, a REALLY LONG ASS TIME.

It's good. It's because I've been seriously busy and haven't had the time to introspect in a ridiculously self-indulgent way. As I had been.

But I want to post. But I don't feel like writing bunches and bunches. So I'm going to share some of my favorite "Pearls Before Swine" comic strips. What? You thought I was all smart and junk and would write cool shit? Pshh! Whatev's. Enjoy the strips.

There are sooo many more I've saved and lurve. I'm gonna' post more soon. Easier than thinking of things with my brain. My poor mushy brain.

This Gingerbread House Needs an Intervention

First! Ever! Photo! Blog!

Okay, so any year that Lisa and I are together over the holidays, we make a Gingerbread House. But this, she is no ordinary Gingerbread House! No no. One year we had an alien crash landing in the back yard. Another year we made a big MAC truck and had Santa driving it. This year...it is the HOUSE OF SIN! THE DEN OF INIQUITY! THE...THE... It's lotsa vices thrown together with some candy is what it is.

So here we go...

Here is the front of our lovely home. Please note the references to Gambling, Alcoholism, and Smoking.

A close-up and overhead view of the front yard reveals our homeowner passed out naked on the front lawn. We also had a Gingerbread naked lady with a vagina made from black icing and a piece of licorice, but I broke her from making the Gingerbread people have too much sex and then I bit her legs off.

An angled view of the front and side reveal our despondent Mr. Snowman, who sadly hung himself from the chimney. Ah, we barely knew ye.

In homage of the dearly departed, we offer this close-up image of his final moments.

I apologize for the joke about the candy cigarettes on the roof. I'm just not very funny.

Poor Santa. Some nasty drug dealer came over to swipe some of the pot plant growing out back and Santa got in the way of the action. Dude cut Santa up with that broken beer bottle. That's just what you get when you roll wit us.

This guy was too fucked up to come to Santa's aid. Naked, passed out in his own vomit next to a pile of dog poo. That's classy.

I gotta say, though, that Gingerbread Guy was hot. I simply couldn't help myself.

This photo should never be looked at ever again.

Lisa looks pretty hot herself, what with ALL THE LEFTOVER GUMBALLS IN HER MOUTH AT ONCE! That's just gotta make you jealous of her lucky husband. I mean, look how far she can open that mouth of hers. Dayum!

But then she just spooges it all out.

This last pic is the worst of the bunch. This is what happens when a girl who never eats sugar...eats sugar! She gets totally high on that white devil and starts snorting things up her nose. Things that should never GO in a nose. Things like gummy bottles. That's just sick. And wrong. Why am I posting this picture again?

We are sick puppies and silly monkeys. But damn that was fun.