Grow Some Salty Balls You Hypocrite

So, Isaac Hayes quit South Park.

Purportedly, the man quit because he couldn't tolerate being on a show that couldn't tolerate others' religious beliefs. Or some such claptrap. Yeah. Making fun of "religious beliefs" is what put him over the edge. Of course, he didn't seem to mind when South Park made fun of the
Jews
Black People
Muslims
Alcoholics
Recovering Alcoholics
Developmentally Disabled
Physically Disabled
Transgendered
Christians
Elderly
Immigrants
Ill and Infirm
Fat People
Democrats
Republicans
Women
Gays
Pop Stars
Shit...I can't think of a group that South Park hasn't attempted to offend at one point or another.

That's the goddamn beauty of the show, people! Even though for me it has lost its luster over the years (maybe I've grown up or something silly like that) at least I could count on the fact that the creators of the show didn't discriminate...Because they discriminate against EVERYBODY! They don't make fun of just fat people or just Jews...they take the piss out of every population segment possible.

So. Isaac Hayes is a Scientologist. He's also black and fat and bald, but he didn't seem to mind when the show picked on those categories. And he didn't mind when a Virgin Mary statue bled out of its ass and he didn't mind when Cartman made fun of Jews on EVERY FRIGGING EPISODE. But, damn, you've crossed a line when you dare to pick at a pseudo-religious cult founded by a Science Fiction writer and followed by the looniest of the loons out in La-La Land.

I know I'm not saying anything new or noteworthy here. I know Scientology is freak central and we all think it's stupid for Mr. Hayes to have up and quit over such a lame excuse. It's just I'm finally personally offended. Hypocritical soapbox behavior is disgusting. Inauthenticity offends me more than anything else. Gross, Isaac. Gross.

Circuit City Sucks

Oh how they suck.

Suck suck suck.

I'm not feeling eloquent. Suffice it to say after over 2 1/2 months, I still don't have a working television set and it ain't about to spontaneously fix itself anytime soon. I wish I could sell the pile of crap and get something new! better! different! Because Sony blows as well. They suck. And they blow. That's talent, right there. That's what that is.

So, yeah. Sony and Circuit City.

You know, crap happens all the time. It annoys me, I deal with it, I move on. Sometimes I lose my shit and say horribly rude and mean things to the people over the phone like "I want you to stop talking right now. I can't stand the sound of your voice any more and I want you to transfer me to someone different. I don't care if they're going to tell me the exact same thing you're telling me, I just don't want to talk to you any more because I don't like you. Don't speak to me. Just transfer."

Mean, right? Embarassing.

But I didn't DO any of that with Circuit City. I really didn't! So why am I writing about this? Here's the reason: More people need to KNOW how horrible Circuit City's Service Center System is. Wow that's a lot of "s" sounds. Say it out loud, it's kinda' fun. I know I'm weird.

Don't ever buy the extended warranty that Circuit City offers!!! It is more trouble trying to get someone out to fix anything than it is worth. Trust me, you don't need the aggravation.

But I like to keep things a little even, so I'm going to share about some companies that are freaking AWESOME, because they deserve the kudos.

• Etymotic Research makes the best frigging in-ear noise-cancelling headphones EVER. And their service is beyond belief! Two examples:
• I lost my carrying case. I called them up to order a new one. The woman on the other end asked if I had tried the new ear flanges on my earbuds. I hadn't. She then sent me free of charge TWO replacement cases AND a set of the new flanges.
• I ran over my earbuds on the elliptical at the gym and broke 'em. Called them up. They could fix them for less than half what it would cost for new ones. I sent them in and got them back within ONE week. PLUS, they determined that even though they knew I had run over them at the gym, they felt the earbuds should still have been working, so they DIDN'T CHARGE ME FOR THE NEW SET. Seriously. How fucking incredible is that company?
• Not as amazing, but also pretty frigging fantastic: The staff at the Apple Store in Soho. They have to deal with an incomprehensible amount of assholes panicking about their computers and iPods and they STILL manage to keep their cool. Many of them also have kick-ass senses of humor and just pretty much kick ass all around. I'm talking specifically about MATT and FANYA here.
• Zappos is so cool. They have a million billion shoes online. They have reviews which (accurately) tell you if that particular style fits wide or short or whatever. They match or BEAT any other retail price (including online). They ship to you FOR FREE. Shoes always arrive like the DAY after I order them. Then, if you don't like the shoe, or it doesn't fit or whatever, you print out a FedEx label from their site, and you then you send back the shoes FOR FREE and they refund you 100% of what you paid. PLUS, as long as you haven't worn them outside, they refund your entire price up to a year after you bought them. You can buy a pair of shoes right now, keep them in your closet, never wear them, take pictures of them, whatever, and then on March 10, 2007 return them for a full refund.

So there are cool companies out there too. Just not Circuit City. Because they suck.

New York Courts Have A Hard-On For Me

Just got a thingy in the mail. A "survey" if you will. A "Jury Survey". NOT a SUMMONS, they were clear to point out.

However.

The survey bastard is the preamble to the summons. Did I NOT just serve in January? A mere LESS THAN TWO MONTHS AGO?!?! S'posed to be good for 4 years. Guess the government didn't get the memo.

Here's a fun aspect: In order to prove that I've served in the last 4 years, I'm supposed to send in a photocopy of my "proof of service". My service was so recent that I haven't even received that lovely Get Out of Jail Free Card in the mail yet.

I want to know why I seem to be at the top of the jury pool list. This is now the 5th time in the last 6 years that they've tried to call me in.

If only I had been this popular in High School....

Everything Is Ker-Fucked

My computer is dead. The hard drive is fried and is awaiting resurrection at the Apple Store. I'm paying them $50 to try and get my documents/movies/music/shite off the damn thing. I borrowed an ex's old (slow) laptop in the meantime. At least it works and I have internet access, even if I don't have any of my documents or blahdy blah.

But that ain't all.

My TV is broken. The image is all messed up. I already had a technician out here several weeks ago. He "fixed" it, but as he was trying to leave (after arriving over 2 hours LATER than then END of his scheduled appointment time) I realized it wasn't fixed at all. He reluctantly admitted that my image is crap and that he needed to order a part. I just got a call yesterday that the bloody part has arrived. The earliest available appointment is March 29th, at which point they will call me at 9 AM THAT MORNING to bless me with an appointment time slot. Which they will most likely ignore and show up whenever the hell they feel like it.

My cable is broken. (Unrelated to the TV) This is the 4th or 5th time that my DVR box has been broken in this same way. In the less than 2 years that I've even HAD DVR. The earliest appointment is next Friday from 8 to 12. I have a conflicting appointment then. Well, not anymore I guess. That'll have to be cancelled. When they replace my DVR I will once again lose all my saved shows and any shows I've scheduled to record.

My telephone is broken. More specifically, the headphone jack. It's still under warranty, but the only way to get it fixed is to send it in, at which time it will take about 2 weeks to be replaced with a "refurbished" one. What am I supposed to do without a phone for 2 weeks?

Both oven lights are out and I don't even know how to remove the bulbs in order to get them replaced. Plus the oven has been heating unevenly and I don't even know who to call to get that fixed.

The drawer on my butcher block is broken. It hangs to the right and I have no idea how to remedy that.

The lamps in my bedroom broke long ago. In fact, it has been almost a year that I have been without anything other than a small, dim bedside lamp to illuminate my room.

The light fixture in my bathroom keeps using up bulbs too quickly. I keep meaning to just replace the whole damn thing, as each bulb is about $20 and the fixture takes three of them. I can't seem to manifest that occurrence.

About 6 months ago, I bought caulking and marble refinishing tools to fix my bathtub and sink that are a mess. Guess what? Still a mess.

My toilet seat is broken. It has always been broken. It slides around. I had a plumber out to fix it once. Not only did he not fix it, but he broke a different, unrelated piece on the thing while he was at it. It's an electric, ridiculously expensive, strange commode. Normal plumbers seem to be flummoxed by it.

My vacuum cleaner broke last month. That's the only thing I've actually taken care of. I bought a new one.

What the fuck, dude? What. The. Fuck.

Two! Two! Two Posts In One!

FIRST BIT:

I have such a hard time taking nutritional/wellness advice from overweight speakers or those who just don't look like they walk their talk. Is this my prejudice or a natural human response?

Not entirely in keeping with the previous statement and question, but an extension of the contemplation: I know I have built-in "fatty" hate simply because I used to be so overweight. You'd think it would make me more tolerant or accepting or even pitying. I think one day I will be. At least I'm inching towards being able to feel pity (here we go again with the confusion between pity and love).

Here's my current theory on this: I spent so much time and energy when I was fat (and arguably now as well) HATING myself that I've transferred some of that vitriolic energy to ghostly representations of my former self.

If you're hugely fat, you remind me too much of the person I once was, and I hate you.

Not literally or logically or even consciously. But if I'm to take a long hard honest look, I have to admit the resentment is present.

Everyone is a mirror. Everyone and everything. When you don't like what you see in the mirror, it's easier to blame the silvered glass. It's stupid and misplaced, but it's human. Often I want to change the reflection, but I can't, can I? Serenity prayer and all that.

SECOND BIT:

I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time. Yeah, I had a brief boyfriend/girlfriend thing a few months ago, but it was VERY brief and, well, not altogether "real" I suppose.

So this I've known.

But something new I realized yesterday morning.

I was talking with some ladies about my tremendous weight loss and the inherent identity crisis (or realignment) involved. When the body gets thin, sometimes the mind stays fat. It's progressing slowly, but I still think like a fat person. I still think as if I am a fat person. I still think I AM a fat person. I relate with people accordingly. I don't know how to BE with men (in general) or God forbid in a relationship.

Upshot: I haven't been in a relationship since the weight loss and I don't think the two facts are unrelated.

Too Pissed to Post a Picture

You have GOT to be fucking kidding me with this one:
South Dakota passes bill to ban abortions.

Randomness Not Even Remotely Organized

Image borrowed from this amazing photoblog: Always Curious

Why am I so bloody irritated? Irritable. Irritate-able. Rate-able. Ratty. Natty.

I'm not quite looking for a fight. Am I looking for a fight? I'm easily scratched, that's for sure. It's not taking much to set me off. I haven't really been biting peoples' heads off that much. Not entirely true. Just not as viciously when compared to the "good olde days".

Wow was I a bitch on wheels back then. Except...no wheels. Fat sausage legs more like.

Now? Am I tightly wound Vata? Is my fiery temper Pitta-packed? Do I just need to get laid?

Anger turned outward meant for inward. Reflections on the unknown what needs to be known inside. Maybe I'm afraid to be mushy. My armor is definitely strong, but its' rusty. Trite. Angsty like a teenager. That ain't even worth writing down kiddo.

Within ten minutes: 3 middle-aged ladies. One red, one pink, one blue. Go granny, go!

Spatial relationships seem beyond the grasp of some people. Two shopping carts cannot occupy the same physical space in the universe at the same time. Would that they could, I suppose. Guess that's not so much spatial relationships as basic physics. In which case...they're still morons. KMart is their breeding ground. I've seen the pods, people. They're pod people!

I must be sending out bitch waves. Or talk-to-me-not waves. Or hard-ass vibes. Or something. To men. Women strangers, however, appear perfectly comfortable stopping me for directions on the sidewalk. They stop me on the sidewalk; they don't want directions on how to use the sidewalk or anything. I respond with terse curt one-word replies. What a friendly little fucker I am these days.

Not-So-Missing Links

Some stuff:

• I've been using these again and that's REALLY going to piss Lisa off.
• I miss this guy. I haven't seen him in way too long.
• I really need to make an appointment here and here. But I don't have time. And I don't want to.
• This stuff sucks. I need to find a better brand.
• I'm still working on my site, but it's coming along. I want to totally re-vamp it, though. Make it more "my" style instead of "their" style.
• A shitload of this and more is sitting in my fridge. I was in the kitchen for an absurdly long time tonight. I also made some of this. But crispy style!
• I now have five paying clients, thanks to setting up a table.
• Sam and I almost watched this last night, but we ended up pausing after five minutes and talking all night instead.
• I didn't make it here this week, which sucked. But I did it on my own with a CD today. I set myself up so I was facing my windows and I watched the snow drift past while I stretched and breathed for an hour and a half.
• Stupid shit. Repair dude is coming Friday.
• Other stupid shit. I have to send this one in. So what am I supposed to do without it for two weeks?
• Some people come into your life at exactly the right time and are just freaking awesome.
• Oh crap. I just remembered I forgot to sort through my stuff for pick-up.
• Made me cry two weeks in a row. I LOVE this show.

It's 2 AM and I've been meaning to get to bed earlier. Yeah, that's working out well. I'm gonna' try that now.

They Were Better When I Was A Kid. I Think.

Were the Olympic opening ceremonies always this lame? Why do they need to have the play-by-play commentary informing us of what everything is supposed to represent? Those speed skaters that were like the "spark" of the soul or some shit? Dayum.

And what's with NBC calling the locale "Torino" instead of "Turin"? They don't call "Venice" by the native "Venezia". They don't say "Firenze" for "Florence". Pretentious crap.

Last rant: Call me horrible and cold and unwomanly or whatever, but I don't like hearing children sing. Their little under-developed voices are like caterwauling yaks High-pitched yaks. That serious-faced chicklet that stared freakishly while lip-synching as the flag was being raised creeped me out.

I'm feeling cranky, can you tell?

Long Time No Tippy-Type

It's been awhile.

I've been busy.

I'm glad I'm busy, that's a good thing. Although I feel a little like I'm losing myself in all the commotion. Sometimes it's fun to not recognize my life. Sometimes it's just tiring.

That has been a problem. I'm so TIRED all the time. I'm not getting any less sleep (although many people have argued to me that 5 to 7 hours is not enough to begin with) but I'm more tired than I was, say, a month ago. Maybe it's not anything to do with getting less sleep, but rather I'm doing more in the time I'm awake.

It's tough being a responsible adult. I'm doing all that crazy stuff like paying my bills on time, keeping my apartment neat and presentable, juggling social activities, delving into school and studies, building my private practice. I mean, DAMN!

There's a leeetle bit of my snotty princess-y rebellious inner teenager wanting to be an irresponsible brat. She's rearing her ugly head quite a bit lately. It's like the closer I get to accountable responsibility and self-care, the more she wants to fuck up.

On an entirely different note altogether...

My mom read my blog

Yeah.

If you've ever read my earlier posts (especially "Fucker Mother" and various posts written during the holidays) you'll realize that's not exactly a good thing. I can be a bit harsh. A tad.

Surprisingly, she was cool. Way cool. Yeah, I just said "way cool". We ended up laughing our butts off over my gingerbread house and by the end of the conversation we were swapping recipes. Go figure.