It's already happening again! When the hanky panky first started, my body responded as it should (could would) but now that my spirit is getting involved, my tingles shut down and my juices stop flowing.
Shy? Scared? Self Conscious? Or just Conscious?
My therapist found it interesting when I said many weeks ago that I wanted to work on "sexuality" and "dating". He thought it was odd that I would separate the two as if they were not connected. But the thing is, for me they're not connected and never have been. I've only had great sex with guys I've never dated. And when I've been with someone...let's just say the sex life was never the draw.
So yeah they're separate. I don't want them to be. Some of what attracts me to someone in the first place is the chemistry. But then, I don't know, it dies. It dies! It goes to sleep and hides away and dries up and vanishes and pisses me off and pisses them off and causes anxiety and frustration and rejection and pain. This isn't what I want.
How do I keep the two connected? I think I need to attain an even greater level of authenticity. (Possible?) I feel like I keep evolving. Mutant authentic. Maybe one day I'll be see-through.
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