I'm kind of in awe.
Of myself.
Here's the thing: Even with all the physical, emotional, spiritual work I've done...there was a part (a big part) of me that thought I'd never get here. And even though one of my "specialties" with my clients is working with people with eating disorder and body image issues...I never thought I could love my body like I was trying to teach them to love theirs.
But something amazing happened. Sometime in the last few months, I learned to love my body. I think it even happened more rapidly than that. It's as if I finally got to the point where I was just sick and tired of hating my body.
It's so easy (and so subtle and insidious) to pick yourself apart. How many times have you looked in the mirror at yourself and narrowed your focus on to that one little part (or more than one little part) that you just can't stand. You poke it and prod it and look at it from all different angles, just sending hate-rays at your own flesh. I caught myself doing that about a month and a half ago...and I paused. I asked myself "what the hell are you doing?" It wasn't a mean or angry question. I asked it with an air of love, actually. So much the same way that I lifted myself from eating disorder by telling myself that I didn't have to believe that any more, I turned my body-hate around by changing the language I used with myself.
But that sounds so ridiculously simple! If I had heard that a year or two ago, I would have shrugged it off with a "yeah, I know I know". So what was the edge? What was the hinge? What was the button or the spark or the whatever whatever that suddenly made a difference? I wish I knew!
I think time was a huge factor. Timing and time. At the right time, and not rushed. I also think I finally hit my "what will it take" moment. I got to that point where I just wasn't willing to take it any more. All of me was ready for it.
I hope I can find a way to share this with my clients. But they have to be ready for it.
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